William Lopez wrote an article for the AllPsych Journal in May, 2004 titled, “Successful Parenting Skills that Shape Children’s Behaviors.”  It’s a lengthy article with information supported by research.  I wanted to share a part of that article with you regarding successful parenting behaviors.  It has to do with being the role model to your child. 

“Do what I say and not what I do,” is a common phrase that is often repeated; however it only confuses children. Children will not do what the parent says, since they will do what the parents have modeled. Children model the behaviors that the parent has presented to them time and time again. Looking at the messages one sends to his or her child is easily seen by analyzing one’s own behaviors. The parents’ main goal is to always set a positive example that the children can model by.  Successful parents do this because they want their children to grow up with healthy, respectful attitudes towards others.

Role playing proper behavior with the child is another way of role modeling. Role playing with your child is another method to teach your children proper behavior without resorting to the use of punishments or consequences. According to R. Burke & R. Herron in their book,. Common Sense Parenting each and every time you practice doing the right thing in a situation with your child; you increase the chances for their success and decrease the likelihood that your child will see that problem behavior in the future.

Robert Eimers and R. Aihtison, authors of Effective Parents/Responsible Children: A Guide To Confident Parenting provide a simple four step role playing format helps parents teach their child appropriate behaviors. These four steps are one: 1) taking roles, swapping roles with your child, 2) set the stage, narrate the situation that occurred for your child; 3) begin the role play, and 4) give critiques by giving feedback on the performance, using praises when needed.  Techniques such as role playing can help a child to think in advance and rehearse adaptive responses to potentially frustrating situations, thus developing a more thoughtful and flexible response to the everyday problems that they face.