There is no classic right or wrong way to parent, but research into parenting has shown that the most successful parenting strategies involve the following behavior by the caretaker: communication, appropriate discipline, intellectual development, teaching and modeling values, self-esteem development, and encouraging age appropriate socialization. Parents who are the most successful in accomplishing these strategies are parents who use flexibility and teamwork.

I’d like to share some thoughts with you regarding ways to communicate with your children so you feel more successful as a parent.

·         If your child wants to talk with you, make sure you are looking at him or her directly in the eye.  This lets the child know you are listening.

·         Turn off the television and/or put down your reading if your child approaches you to talk.  It shows you care, and it probably won’t take that much time out of your schedule.

·         While your child is talking, don’t interrupt.  Listen carefully so you can respond to what was said.  Listen as if you were with your best friend.

·         If you find yourself angry or upset at your child, PLEASE take a time out and cool down.  Whenever we’re upset, we’re using the limbic part of the brain.  I call this the lizard part of the brain; it has no reasoning abilities.  After you cool down, you’re in the thinking part of your brain again where you can listen more calmly and be in a place to solve problems.

·         If your child has done something that’s upsetting, do NOT ask why; it puts the child on the defensive and then you’ll hear, “I don’t know,”  Instead, ask what happened, or “”Help me understand what was going on.”  Make sure you say it calmly without a hint of judgment in your voice.  When children sense parental anger, they move into fear and stop thinking.  They move to the lizard part of their brains.  It’s really important for parents to keep their children in the front part of the brain where they can think.

I hope these ideas will help you to become more successful in how you communicate with your children.  I’ll add some more ideas on tomorrow’s blog.

MaryLynne White

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