Have you as a parent, ever felt embarrassed or frustrated by your child’s behavior in a store? Your child wants you to buy something that’s not on your list and all your parenting skills are challenged by your child’s whining, screaming or temper tantrums? Perhaps during these times, you felt anything but successful and confident as a parent.
It’s difficult to know how to be a successful parent with today’s children. I remember my son putting me through such an experience when he was four years old. I wanted to crawl inside of my coat and disappear form all the eyes watching us in the store as he fell on the floor in a rage, screaming and kicking because I wouldn’t buy him a candy bar.
Somehow, I knew then there were very high stakes involved in terms of how I handled this situation. If I gave into him, he’d expect a candy bar each time we returned to the store. If I said “no”, he’s raise the ante on his temper tantrums, becoming louder and lasting longer. That didn’t feel like a good idea.
I calmly and quietly picked him up, left the store and put him into the car. His screaming and raging lasted for what seemed to be the longest 24 minutes of my life. When he calmed down, I held him and we talked.
I acknowledged his feelings—how sad it is not to get your own way and how angry that can make you—so he didn’t feel he did something wrong. After all, you shouldn’t expect a 4 year old to be able to control his or her emotions that way an adult can.
Because I gritted my teeth and stood my round, I never had to experience a repeat performance. My son knew that when I said , “no,” I meant it so there was no dance of arguing back and forth between parent and child. If you say “no” to your child and you’re met with anger, tears and screaming, relax. It’s only for that moment and the moment will pass. If you hold your ground and grit your teeth and stay calm, your child will realize you mean what you say. He or she will respect you more as a parent and will feel safer because you’re stronger than the child.