Sometimes children’s behaviors can get a bit “testy”
around their parents when they’ve gone through emotional changes involved with parents splitting up and getting divorced. When parents are feeling their own levels of anger, frustration and disappointments, they may not be aware of how that affects their children. Successful parenting happens as a result of your listening to your children and having them involved in the problem solving issues with you—instead of you telling them what they need to do.
Kids today don’t react well when we order them and tell them what to do with an authoritarian voice. They will respond much better when given choices. Let’s say you want your child to pick up his room. You’re tired of the constant nagging which leads to both of you getting upset. That is NOT a win-win situation.
So here’s the deal. Sit down with your child and do the following:
- Ask if your child is big enough and strong enough to clean the room. If the room itself is overwhelming, break it down into smaller bites:
- Put clean clothes away
- Put dirty clothes in hamper
- Pick toys up off floor and put away
- Hang up clothes on hangars
- Make bed
- Ask child which one of these activities is he or he willing to commit to working on today.
- Then (give the choice) ask, are you planning to have this done right after school or before dinner? This way, you give the choice and yet it’s within your parameters of being done before dinner.
- “Great choice. How will your room look when you have completed this job to my satisfaction?” (This lets you know the child knows how to do the job in the first place.)
- “Good thinking on your part. I hope you have it done so you can join us for dinner. (Pause) Take your time and let me know when it’s done.”
Okay, before you whine and complain over the food issue—I have not told you to keep your child from having dinner. I have implied your child will not be eating with the rest of the family if the chore is not done. If you have creative, defiant little darlings living in your home, be prepared to fix a simple meal of finger foods that won’t dirty anything if spilled and take it up to your child’s room while you and the rest of the family have dinner—hopefully together.
Now, if the child, who agreed to have this chore done by dinner, isn’t done, then PLEASE do not let your child have fun doing something like:
· Watching TV
· Playing computer games
· Playing with siblings or friends
· Talking on the phone, etc.
Your job as parent, is to make your child responsible for following through with his or her choices. If the room hasn’t been cleaned, do NOT get upset. Your child needs to be the one who gets upset—thus taking on the units of concern and not you.
Good luck with this one. If you need any help or you want to let me know how well it works, use the comment section or email me at:
MaryLynne@ParentSurvival911.com
Until the next entry, have fun!