Because parents have a deeply felt effect on their children’s emotional, social and mental growth, their parenting styles in dealing with discipline and problem solving can either help or hinder the development of respectful, responsible and fun to be around children.
I believe each parent has the ability to act like a super nanny with children; to become more consistent about setting limits, saying “no” and meaning it, and making children responsible for their choices, regardless of what that may look like. How do you bring this super nanny part of you out more?
One way is to remember that your child (like You) has different parts. No, I’m not talking about multiple personalities here. Bear with me---look at yourself for example. You probably have a sleeping part that loves to sleep in on the weekends. You may have
Other parts such as:
Work at a job part Listens to the kids part
Fix meals part Feels angry part
Clean the room part Feels happy part
Listen to the news part
When you feel angry, I believe its not all of you that feels angry; when you listen to your spouse, or your children, that part of you is bigger and stronger at that moment than your angry, “I’m not going to listen to you” part. All the different parts of you are like the different facets in a gem stone, like a diamond or emerald. Each facet is a different aspect of the whole stone. All the facets together make up the gem. One facet isn’t any better than another—they are each important in their own way. If you took a facet away, the stone wouldn’t look the same.
“So what’s the point, ML?” you may be thinking. The point is this; the next time your darling little one becomes upset, remember this:
- It’s only a part of your child that’s upset. The
wonderful, positive parts are still there—they’re
just being over powered with the angry, upset
part right now. This isn’t forever!
- In a calm voice (not angry, or you’ll blow it), acknowledge your child’s feelings. “I see you’re really upset about this right now and the angry part of you is out in full force. What do you need to do to calm down, getting in touch with the other parts of you that can work this out?”
- If the child doesn’t know the answer, give him or her a reassuring hug and say, “Well, why don’t you sit down for a while and think about it and see if you can come up with an answer. When you do, let me know in case there’s a way I can help you with it.”—and then walk away and say NO MORE!
- If the child says something to engage you in a conversation, keep walking. If you open your mouth and speak, you have just lost a point in keeping your position of control with your child.
I have a pie shaped chart I use with children that they can write and draw on to show all their different parts, both positive and negative. It’s good to let them know when they’ve made bad choices, they are still good children. If you want a copy of this emailed to you, drop me a line at MaryLynne@Parentsurvival911.com, asking for The Parts of Self Chart and I’ll send it to you.
Until my next blog entry, good luck on your successful parenting.