I want to wish you andyour families a happy new year.

MaryLynne

Here are some suggestions to hopefully help your young child learn from mistakes without feelings ashamed by them.

1.  If your child is having a major meltdown, hold your child and calmly tell  her you're going to keep the child safe until  she is back in control.

2.  Give your child chances to calm herself down through hugging, quiet sitting or time outs.  Be calm in how to speak to your child; keeping her in the thinking part of her brain, instead of the lizard part.

3.  Know what triggers get your child upset or in trouble.  Remove as many as you can.  if the child is beginning to get upset, intervene immediately so it doesn't get worse.  Your child's behavior is telling you she's frustrated and doesn't have the words to express it.  Give her a hug and say, Thanks for letting me know you're upset."

Food and mealtimes can become a struggle in the child's third year.  It's important for parents to establish clear boundaries and rules so the children learn at an early age how to behave at meal times.  Here are some points to consider:

1.  Three year olds will NOT learn from lectures about table manners.  They will be able to learn once they are four or five years old.  Spare your self the wasted energy.

2.  Do not press food as an issue.  Don't force a child to eat; its a losing battle.  Simply let the child knoiw if she's through eating that's okay.  The next meal will be served at....... Then, by all means, do NOT feed her until the next meal.  She won't starve and she'll learn a very important lesson.

3.  Offer small portions of food.

4.  As soon as your child begins playing with his food, thank ...   more »

A common myth parents often have happens because they tried a new reaction to a negative behavior by their children.  They think if the behaviors become worse, the new parenting technique failed.  Actually, the exact opposite is true.

If you change your parenting technique to react differently to your child's negative behaviors and your child's behavior immediately gets worse, the technique is probably working!  Don't stop, keep doing what you're doing and the behaviors will eventually subside (if you're being consistent).

Children's behaviors become worse because they don't take you seriously when you do something different.  Also, you've changed the rules of the game without letting them know and they're caught off guard.  They will do anything to break you down so you go back to the old way of doing things--which doesn't get them to change their behaviors.

When your child immediately becomes worse, pat yourself on the ...   more »

When your child treats you disrespectfully, how does that make you feel?  Do you want it to contin ue?  if not, think about m aking some changes iin how you relate to your child.

First of all, you are the parent and should be the one in  control, not the child.  If your child upsets you, you've given control over to your child.  In order to get it back, place the units of concern on your child by using natural consequences.

For every disrespectful statement coming out of your child's moputh, tell him or her she's just let you know he or she wants to do an extra chore to help you around the house.  Then, give a choice between 2 chores and then give a choice between two times they can do it.  The next time your child wants you to do something for him or her, smile ...   more »

What do you do when your child becomes disrespectful?

All of the actions listed below will guarantee your child not learning the value of a consequence:

1.  Say, "This will teach you a lesson."

2.  Become angry and scold the chil;d.

3.  Moralize or threaten.

4.  Talk too much.

Children usually hear you the first time.  Instead of getting angry, ask your child how he or she wants to pay you back for the disrespectful behavior.  After all, it's very draining to listen to the negative words.  Your child needs to do soomething nice for you to put the energy back that was drained.  More about this iin the next blog entry.

Another exercise from Gail and Paul dennison's book, Brain Gym is called the thinking X.   Whenever you move the left side of your body, you're using the right side of your brain.  When you use the right side of your body, the left side of your brain is active.  If you think of an X in your mind and see it, move your eyes fromleft to right and right to left.

Thinking of an X tells your brain you want to use both sies of your brain at the same time.  This is a good thing.  It will help you with speed reading and becoming more coordinated in sports and play activities.

Jeff  Herring published an interesting article on the internet titled

"Laws for Parents of Toddlers and Preschoolers."  I think you'll enjoy it.

Parenting Ideas for dealing wiht the child who frequently comes home late: 

Thank your child for letting you know he’s not big enough and strong enough to come home on time yet.  1