Do you have a child who tells you he or she has done a chore and when you check on it, you find it hasn't been done?  or better yet, do you even check their chores?  I would.  It lets the child know you care.

I had a 10 year old who had a laminated chore chart.  All the chores she had to do each day were neatly marked on the chart so they could be marked off daily.  At the end of the week, we'd wipe off the chart and begin a new week.  After six weeks, she still had not done one of her chores which was sweeping the patio outside the kitchen.

 

A normal response might be to lecture her and punish her with a consequence.  if I did that, she's just sulk away into her room, getting angry at me, instead of looking at her ...   more »

Tony Schutta, parenting coach wrote a good article on dealing with defiant children.  I found the article on the internet and wanted to share it with you.  It's simple , easy to understand and numbered, making it easier to read.  Here are the first three ideas.  You can go to the link to find out the other 6 ideas.

1. Use positive communication. Try phrasing your parenting command in a positive way versus a negative way. For example, if your child says “Can I watch TV now?” instead of just saying, “No. You can’t.” you could say “You can watch TV after dinner.” Or “I can tape this show for you to watch after dinner.”

2. Give the child two choices. As a parent you can pick two choices that are equally acceptable to you and offer them to your child. The child is less likely to be oppositional if ...   more »

Jan Hunt shares more of her parenting insights in this article.  She gives ten reasons for not hitting your kids.  read it and see what you think.   more »

Jan Hunt has written a vairiety of articles about parenting.  I found this one titled, "A New Way of Seeing Children", to be very inciteful, especially the last paragragh which reads,

"As Rick Lahrson, Director of the Portland, Oregon Kids Project, once wrote, 'Misbehavior in children is an attempt to communicate, when all else has failed. Children have a drive to love other people and to be a contribution to the people around them. It is time for all children to be recognized as the magnificent people they are, and accorded the dignity and respect that is due every human being. We must establish a new way of seeing children.'"

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Anthony Kane, MD wrote an article  called The Seven Keys to Child Obedience.  Its easy to read and understand.  I hope you'll take the time to read it.   more »

A common myth parents often have happens because they tried a new reaction to a negative behavior by their children.  They think if the behaviors become worse, the new parenting technique failed.  Actually, the exact opposite is true.

If you change your parenting technique to react differently to your child's negative behaviors and your child's behavior immediately gets worse, the technique is probably working!  Don't stop, keep doing what you're doing and the behaviors will eventually subside (if you're being consistent).

Children's behaviors become worse because they don't take you seriously when you do something different.  Also, you've changed the rules of the game without letting them know and they're caught off guard.  They will do anything to break you down so you go back to the old way of doing things--which doesn't get them to change their behaviors.

When your child immediately becomes worse, pat yourself on the ...   more »

When your child treats you disrespectfully, how does that make you feel?  Do you want it to contin ue?  if not, think about m aking some changes iin how you relate to your child.

First of all, you are the parent and should be the one in  control, not the child.  If your child upsets you, you've given control over to your child.  In order to get it back, place the units of concern on your child by using natural consequences.

 

For every disrespectful statement coming out of your child's moputh, tell him or her she's just let you know he or she wants to do an extra chore to help you around the house.  Then, give a choice between 2 chores and then give a choice between two times they can do it.  The next time your child wants you to do something for him or her, smile ...   more »

What do you do when your child becomes disrespectful?

All of the actions listed below will guarantee your child not learning the value of a consequence:

1.  Say, "This will teach you a lesson."

2.  Become angry and scold the chil;d.

3.  Moralize or threaten.

4.  Talk too much.

Children usually hear you the first time.  Instead of getting angry, ask your child how he or she wants to pay you back for the disrespectful behavior.  After all, it's very draining to listen to the negative words.  Your child needs to do soomething nice for you to put the energy back that was drained.  More about this iin the next blog entry.

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Parenting Ideas for dealing wiht the child who frequently comes home late: 

Thank your child for letting you know he’s not big enough and strong enough to come home on time yet.  1

1.      Ask him what he can do to let you know he’s big enough and strong enough.  If he says, “I don’t know,” ask him if he’d like some suggestions.

2.      If he says “yes,” then start with, “you could do some practice drills by going over to your friend’s house and then coming home.  Or, you could stay home for a few days and have your friends over here.  Which one would you prefer?”

3.      “When you come home late, it makes me worry.  That drains my energy and makes me tired.  What would you like to do to help put that energy back?”  If ...   more »