Your Child says he's done his chore and he hasn't. What do you do?

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Do you have a child who tells you he or she has done a chore and when you check on it, you find it hasn't been done?  or better yet, do you even check their chores?  I would.  It lets the child know you care.

I had a 10 year old who had a laminated chore chart.  All the chores she had to do each day were neatly marked on the chart so they could be marked off daily.  At the end of the week, we'd wipe off the chart and begin a new week.  After six weeks, she still had not done one of her chores which was sweeping the patio outside the kitchen.

 

A normal response might be to lecture her and punish her with a consequence.  if I did that, she's just sulk away into her room, getting angry at me, instead of looking at her own irresponsible behavior.  what could I do to get her to think about her behavior?  I found something that motivated her to sweep the patio without being reminded.  This is how the scenario went.

Me:       “Emily, have you swept the patio today?”

Emily:    “No, I forgot (smiling)”.

Me:       “Thanks for letting me know you're too tired to do your  your chore.  I guess you'll need to go to bed 30 minutes earlier tonight so you'll get enough rest to be able to do the sweeping tomorrow.”

When tomorrow came, she forgot to do the chore again.  I thanked her for letting me know she still wasn't getting enough rest and would be going to bed 30  minutes earlier than the night before (1hr).  She began sweeping by the third day and we haven't had a problem with her since.

This approach places the units of concern on the child and not the parent.  Learn to say, “Thanks for letting me know…”  It will you save you from tiresome and frustrating arguments.  let me know how this works for you.           

Fun Ways to Enhance Communication with Young Children (And those who act young for their age)

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For parents wanting to improve their relationships with children and help them increase their vocabulary, I've listed a few suggestions for you to enjoy with your child.

1.  Order a magazine subscription for your child and read it together.

2.  Mail your child a note.  When it arrives, read it to him or her.

3.  Sing songs to gether, especially when driving in the car.

4.  Post a happy note on your child's door.

Nurturing Your Child through Touch

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The entry posted before this one discusses why touch is imprortant for all children, regardless of age.  here are some ideas to increase touch between parent and child in nurturing ways:

1.  Hold and cuddle your child every day.

2.  Tuck your child in at night with a hug and kiss good night.

3.  Hold hands while walking.

4.  Play a clapping game.

The Importance of Touch

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Being touched in a loving, positive way is a primary need for all of us, not just children.  However, it's very important for young children to be touched in affectionate ways to help them develop as healthy human beings.  Touch is extremely important for emotional attachment between parent and child.  When you're upset or angry at your child, take some time to chill out and cool down.  Then, bring your child in close to you and find some way to touch him or her in a loving way.  here are some ideas on how to touch your child in a nurturing way.

1.  Put some hand lotion on your chld's hands and rub  it in.

2.  Scratch your child's back.

3.  Give your child a back rub or foot rub.

4.  Give butterfly kisses–fluttering your eyelashes on child's cheek.

When Your Child Says, “It's not fair!”

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You've just asked or told your child to do something he doesn't want to do.  he looks at you with angry eyes and says, “Its not fair!”  Or your daughter wants to do something and you won't let her do it.  She gets huffy and says in a loud voice, “That's not fair!”

How do you respond?  CALMLY.

You do NOT want to get into an argument or discussion defending your position to your child.  After all, you ARE the parent; you have a right to be in charge; especially when you're dealing with young children and those acting like young children.  Children who say this to their parenbts are merely working at manipulating the situation so they get their way.

I suggest looking at your child calmly and quietly saying noithing else except, “I know.”  If your child continues to explain why this is upsetting, you continue saying, “I know.”  If your child says something that poushes your buttons, you can smile and say, “Honey, I loe you too much to argue.”  Then you should walk away.

This is a great Parenting with Love & Logic technique.  If your voice is calm and quiet, your child can't argue as much–there's no wood being added to the fire of arguments to keep things burning.  Your child will eventually calm down and give up when things don't go his or her way.

Whining Behaviors at Home

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You notice your child is whining about most everything.  Nothing seems to appease him or her.  You find yourself becoming irritated by the behavior.  Walk up to your child gently touch his ir her shoulder and gently say, “Thanks for letting me know you're tired.  I think it's time for you to go to your room and lie down for a rest for 30 minutes.  Then, when you get up, I bet you won't be so whining.”  Then you can calmly walk the child to the bed.  if arguing begins, simply say, “I love you too much to argue.”

Dealing with Defiance: 9 ways to handle it

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Tony Schutta, parenting coach wrote a good article on dealing with defiant children.  I found the article on the internet and wanted to share it with you.  It's simple , easy to understand and numbered, making it easier to read.  Here are the first three ideas.  You can go to the link to find out the other 6 ideas.

1. Use positive communication. Try phrasing your parenting command in a positive way versus a negative way. For example, if your child says “Can I watch TV now?” instead of just saying, “No. You can’t.” you could say “You can watch TV after dinner.” Or “I can tape this show for you to watch after dinner.”

2. Give the child two choices. As a parent you can pick two choices that are equally acceptable to you and offer them to your child. The child is less likely to be oppositional if they feel they have some control over the situation. For example, you could say, “Would you like to do your chore before school or after school today?”

3. Reflect the feeling back to the child. Sometimes showing compassion for the child by reflecting back what they’re feeling can be helpful. You could say, “You’re irritated right now because you can’t finish building the Lego tower. It’s hard to leave a project before you’re done, isn’t it?”

Learning to Say “No”

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Susan Newman, PhD, author of several parenting books, had a good article on the net titled, “Learning to Say No”.  In it she gives a questinnaire to see if you're a “yes” mom instead of one who always gives in to children's demands.  You can read the rest of the article by clicking on the link.

Are You a Yes-Mom?

If three of these sounds vaguely like you, it’s likely that your children turn you into a yes-person quite easily. It’s time to take stock and learn how to say no.

  1. Your living room looks like a toy store.
  2. At any given hour the couch doubles as a trampoline, a wrestling mat, a hiding place or arts and crafts center.
  3. Your child wears his Halloween costume to school in February.
  4. You’re on a first-name basis with the workers at McDonald’s.
  5. Your child has everything her best friend has.
  6. Your six-year-old stays up so late that he can fill you in on Jay Leno’s monologue from the night before.
  7. Your daughter’s last birthday party was more elaborate than your wedding.
  8. You have three dogs, two kittens, and a parakeet who all hang out around the fish tank.
  9. You spend most Saturday evenings in the movie theatre parking lot waiting for your children and their friends.
  10. You spend Sunday evenings writing history reports and crafting science projects you found out about during dinner.
  11. The text messaging charges are bigger than your monthly cell phone fee.
  12. Your child’s band equipment takes up both parking spaces in the garage.